


It’s Not The Waking, It’s The Rising

by DodgerBear



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: AU - Different First Meeting, Angst, Brotherly Love, M/M, Sad Mickey, army ian, break up then make up, but happy ending, mentions drug use/overdose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-01-26 05:34:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21368977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DodgerBear/pseuds/DodgerBear
Summary: Mickey wants to move forward with Ian but first he needs to tackle old demons.
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Comments: 99
Kudos: 240





	1. Chapter One

**Present Day**

The dive bar on a side street in South Side, Chicago wasn’t busy but the Milkovich brothers were working hard to keep the owners in business on a rainy Tuesday night in March. All four were drunk. Colin and Mickey were able to handle their alcohol better than Iggy and Joey but on this occasion they were all fucked up. Mickey ripped a beer mat to shreds and piled up the remains in the ashtray. He was subdued and quiet and his brothers were starting to share glances between themselves. 

“You good Mick?” Colin lit up a cigarette and inhaled deeply. 

Mickey scowled at nobody in particular. “Peachy.”

Iggy rolled his eyes theatrically. “He’s only away for another week.”

Mickey glowered. “He’s already been away for three months.”

Iggy went to bite back but Joey, in his capacity as peacemaker for the Milkovich clan, held up his hand. “Alright Ig. Leave it.”

“I’m just saying...what’s one more week?” Iggy retorted and Joey sighed heavily. He’d given Iggy the opportunity to step back but he’d ignored it. Now he had to face the consequences of a drunken, sad and angry Mickey. In 3...2...1...

“WHAT’S ANOTHER WEEK?” Mickey exploded and tossed his empty cigarette box at Iggy’s head. “He’s not on fucking vacation, Iggy! He’s in fucking Helmand you dumb shit. That’s another week he’s out there putting his ass in the firing line. Literally. Don’t fuckin tell me it’s only another week!” 

Iggy held up his hands placatingly. “Fine. Sorry.”

Mickey rubbed his eyes with his thumbs, pressing hard to displace some tension. “I hate thinking about him out there.”

Joey patted his brother on the back. “We know. But he’s a good soldier. The best. He’s gonna be back here soon. Safe and sound.”

Mickey used his lighter to set fire to the shredded beer mat, watching it burn slowly into ash. “Think I wanna marry the ginger asshole.”

The boisterous chatter between the brothers halted and they stared at Mickey like he was growing another head. 

“What the fuck for?” Iggy burst into loud laughter. 

Mickey squinted. “Because I love him.”

Joey chuckled and shook his head. “You guys are already married.”

“Ghetto married.” Colin agreed with a lopsided grin. 

Mickey shrugged petulantly. “I want the real thing.”

“Fuckin hell Mick. I don’t get you. I thought one of the perks of being a fag meant you didn’t have to do any of that shit. Weddings. Babies. You got a free pass.” Iggy waved his arms around. 

“A free pass on being a family?” Mickey snorted. “Cuz I like dick?”

Colin grinned when Iggy screwed up his face. “That’s what being a fag means, Ig.”

“I know!” Iggy huffed. “I just try not to think about my brother fucking.”

“Thank God.” Mickey slurred and raised his glass of Beam. “Besides, if y’all were honest you’d admit your dick is your favorite part of your body. What’s the difference if it’s my favorite part of everyone’s body?”

Joey raised his glass in return. “With that logic, Mick, you should be President.”

Mickey scowled. “That’s one dick I don’t wanna think about.”

Iggy leaned heavily on the table to steady himself. “Don’t see what a wedding is gonna do. You two are already tied at the dick as it is.”

Mickey smiled sleepily, the alcohol taking its toll. “That’s funny.”

Mickey wasn’t offended by Iggy and his blunt phrasing. Iggy actually really liked Ian. The two were thick as thieves when Ian was home on leave, taking turns to bust Mickey’s balls about stupid shit. Iggy was the first person Mickey told when he and Ian got together. Bizarrely, it was a very similar situation to what was happening now. Iggy got his brother drunk and stoned, then sure enough Mickey started to ramble about alien looking gingers with the freckles. Iggy often thought about it when he needed a laugh. 

“I just wanna be...his.” Mickey yawned. 

“You are his.” Iggy replied, lining up another shot of Beam in all four glasses. 

“Legally.” Mickey argued gently. “We don’t gotta contend with Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. We don’t gotta worry about Terry showing up with a shotgun.”

Colin nodded and raised his glass. “A toast to the three strike rule.”

The other brothers lifted their glasses and downed the shot, just for Iggy to refill again. 

Mickeys voice slurred even more. “I just wanna...keep him forever.”

Joey gazed at his younger brother with a soft frown on his face. Melancholy Mickey making an appearance was a rare thing and it wasn’t particularly nice to see. It usually only happened toward the end of one of Ian’s long deployments overseas when Mickey couldn’t contain how much he missed his boyfriend any longer. It also gave him loose lips. 

“Before he changes his mind. Before he remembers what I did.” Mickey leaned his head onto the back of the booth and closed his eyes. 

“Huh?” Colin frowned. 

“What did you do?” Iggy added. 

Mickey smiled dreamily. “Fucked it all to hell.”

Iggy prodded Mickey in the ribs. “Hey. What the fuck are you saying?”

Mickey just chuckled, the cloudy gaze of alcohol swamping him. 

“Mick?” Joey flicked his earlobe. 

“I don’t know why he came back. Why he ever forgave me. I never would’ve done the same for him. I ain’t even forgiven myself.” Mickey mumbled. 

“You cheated?” Iggy tried to guess but Mickey snorted and shook his head. 

“Fuckin wish it was that.”

Joey felt a sense of foreboding. “Mickey. What. Did. You. Do?”

Mickey’s eyes opened and his head snapped up to stare hollowly at his brother. “I don’t deserve him. But I don’t want to lose him.”

“You’re not making any sense, asshole!” Iggy snapped angrily. 

“Get him some fucking water.” Joey muttered in despair. 

Mickey woke up the next morning feeling like he’d been hit by a truck and then reversed over. He was on the couch in Joey’s apartment, freezing his balls off with no blanket. Joey’s place was nice. It was in a good neighborhood and he had decent neighbors. The kind that would scare off any undesirables. All of the Milkovich kids had landed on their feet eventually. Some took longer than others (Iggy, obviously) but they all got there in the end and now they all had some semblance of normalcy to their lives. 

“Oh. He lives.”

Mickey followed the voice and found Joey leaning in the doorway to his kitchen. Iggy appeared behind his brother with a pot of freshly brewed coffee so strong it wafted into the next room. Colin was asleep in the chair across from Mickey but started to stir when he got a whiff of coffee. 

“What the fuck happened last night?” Mickey groaned and scrubbed his face with his hands. 

“The usual. A pound of weed, a bottle of Beam and an episode of Gay Confessions.” Joey started and Colin picked up his thread. 

“Yeah...not a great episode though. Left a lot of cliffhangers.”

Mickey stared between them in confusion. “The fuck?”

Iggy joined in. “You’re right, Col. I mean..._what exactly did Mickey do? How did he get Ian to forgive him?_ The viewers need to know!”

The color drained from Mickey’s already pale face. “Fuck.”

Joey placed a cup of hot coffee next to Mickey. “Fuck indeed.”

Colin reached over and swiped the cup away before Mickey could pick it up, the younger Milkovich scowling. 

“So Mick. You’re gonna have to fill in the blanks.” Joey told him softly. 

“Regular little Marx Brothers routine you guys got figured out here. Very nice.” Mickey glared and snatched back his now half empty coffee from Colin. 

Iggy sat on the couch next to Mickey and lit up a joint. The smell turned Mickey’s stomach but he accepted it when Iggy passed it to him. He needed all the help he could get if he was talking about this. 

“You didn’t cheat.” Iggy got the ball rolling. “You told us that much.”

Mickey sighed. “What else did I say?”

“You wanna marry him. Before he remembers what you did.”

Mickey snorted. “He’s not likely to forget. I almost ruined his life.”

Joey sank into the spare chair next to Colin. The furniture didn’t match but he’d picked it for maximum comfort. He glanced around at his brothers, sipping coffee and sharing a joint at ten in the morning. They were all totally fucking dysfunctional but he loved them all completely. The thought of one of them hurting, after all they’d been through and overcome, was abhorrent to him. 

“It was back when we first met.” Mickey sighed heavily and took another hit of weed. 

Iggy frowned. “You’ve been together years...”

Mickey nodded. “Almost five.”

“He loves you. You can't honestly tell me whatever you did five years ago is still playing on his mind now...” Joey replied confidently. 

Mickey smiled sadly. “Not five years ago. It happened nearer twelve years ago.”

“What did you do twelve years ago?" Joey asked calmly, fighting that sense of foreboding he’d been grappling with all night. 

"I met Ian." Mickey confessed. He had never told anyone this. Not a single person. He wasn't sure Ian ever told anyone either. Maybe he did. But as far as he knew this story was between them and had never been told. 

"You met Ian TWELVE years ago?" Joey blurted out. 

Mickey nodded. "Yup."

Colin leaned closer. "You're gonna have to do more talking buddy."

“Remember back in the day when I used to do those study groups at Malcolm X for extra cash?”

Iggy nodded. “Sure. Nobody better to teach math than the most prolific drug dealer in the South Side...”

"Ian came to that class. He was studying like crazy to get into West Point and needed extra credit. He took Math classes there. With me." Mickey explained. 

"How old was he?" Joey started to feel uneasy. 

"17." Mickey mumbled, looking at the ground. 

"Jesus." Colin exhaled. 

“Nothing happened at first. He was just...really cool. I was 22 but he was kinda mature for his age. He was dead set on getting to West Point. He told me he was gay and I think he guessed I was too. Takes one to know one, maybe. But yeah. We just clicked. He came to my class every Saturday morning and I’d tutor him twice a week after school.”

“Then what?” Joey prompted. All of the brothers knew Ian’s only ambition in life was to be a soldier. They also knew that he didn’t get into West Point the first time he tried. It had never once come up in all the years they’d known Ian that Mickey was perhaps the reason for that. 

“We were close. I liked him a lot. He was kinda naive back then. Not very experienced but sweet too. I wanted him so badly. But I kept it together. I needed that job since the cops were all over us after that raid. And I was terrified Terry would find out and put a bullet in my head.” Mickey quietly explained. 

“What changed?” Colin murmured. 

Mickey closed his eyes and rubbed his hand across his face. "I went to a frat party one night with Iggy...using my contacts at the college to sell weed...and Ian was there. He was celebrating his 18th birthday with his older brother and his college buddies. He saw me across the room, came over to say hello and we talked all night. Flirted, I guess. He dragged me into, the irony, a closet and kissed me..it was crazy." He grimaced as he spoke. 

Joey schooled his features to stay neutral even though he knew Ian - sweet, kind and loveable Ian - wasn’t going to come out of this story a winner. "And?"

"I drove him home at 3am...except we didn't make it to his house. We stopped off for some cigarettes at the 24 hour Kmart and ended up making out in the car.” Mickey paused and thought about leaving it there before deciding that half a confession wasn’t really a confession at all. 

“I fucked him in the back of my car."

Joey gasped loudly and Iggy hissed through his teeth. 

"Fucking hell Mick." Colin sighed. 

"I know! It was fucking stupid. But I wasn't just playing around with him. I really fucking liked him." Mickey argued. "Do you know how crazy scared that made me?"

"I'm starting to understand..." Joey frowned. 

"Carry on." Iggy urged, sensing Mickey would lock down before the story was finished. 

Mickey poured more coffee from the pot with a shaky hand. "Afterwards it was awkward as fuck. He came to class as usual but it was weird. Every time he spoke to me I got paranoid that people would know what I did. What we did. You know when you get smoke the heavy shit and it feels like people are looking at you and reading your thoughts? It was like that every day. I fucking panicked.”

Iggy was starting to feel sick at the thought of what Mickey could be about to say. 

“What did you do, Mick?” He asked his brother softly. 

“He was so set on leaving Chicago in the summer. I hated being around him. I hated thinking about him leaving. So I made the biggest mistake of my life..."

"Bigger than fucking a teenager in the back of your car in the middle of a parking lot?" Joey scowled. 

"Yep." Mickey nodded. 

"What?" Iggy asked. 

"I got him kicked out of my class."

There was a deathly silence. Joey stared at Mickey hard, waiting for him to tell him he was joking. Colin didn't move or speak. 

"Please tell me you're not serious." Joey finally broke the silence. 

"I wish I could."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Joey bellowed, thinking about Ian in his mind. Ian was like a puppy. Everyone loved him. He made people happy. He cheered everyone up. He was one of life’s good guys. What Mickey was describing was essentially kicking that puppy to death. 

"I told you it was bad."

Iggy shook his head. "What the fuck did you do?"

Mickey bit his fingernail nervously. "I told him I couldn't be near him anymore and asked him to leave. He said no, he needed the grade to help with his application. So I went to the head of the college and said I needed him out of my class."

"Did they ask why?" Colin asked. 

"Yes. I said he was under-performing and he was behaving inappropriately towards me." Mickey muttered shamefully. 

"You sold him down the fucking river to save your own neck." Joey gaped. 

"Mick...that's bad...real bad." Iggy added. 

"I know! You're not telling me anything I don't already know! I fucked up. Really badly. I know!"

Mickey was trying to keep his emotions under control but being hungover and high always made him sad. 

"He...um...came to see me before he left...yelling at me. He was really upset...turns out he was a virgin...he had sex with me because he thought he meant something to me..."

Joey muttered a curse under his breath. Trust Ian Gallagher to be the only person in the South Side to hit their 18th birthday and still be a virgin. A gay virgin at that. 

"He lashed out at me, fucked me up pretty bad. He’d make a pretty good boxer. Um...then...uh told me he’d never forgive me for the way I'd treated him. Then he was gone." Mickey finished. 

“He didn’t get into West Point.” Iggy stated what they all knew. 

Mickey shook his head. “Fell short on credits to graduate. Had to enrol in summer school to pull it back. West Point declined his application.”

Joey suddenly sat upright in his chair, rising to his feet slowly. 

“Is that when you took that bad batch of coke and overdosed?"

Mickey’s eyes darkened and he considered brushing Joey off. He decided against it. 

"Sort of. I was so disgusted with myself. I started using harder stuff to make me forget." He admitted. 

"You partied pretty hard back then. You took a lot of shit and nearly died." Joey mumbled.

"Was it an accident? The overdose?" Colin cut in. 

His brother didn't speak and stared blankly at the floor. 

"You overdosed on purpose?" Iggy jerked up in his seat. 

Mickey shook his head slightly. "I didn't exactly mean to...it wasn't a plan...I accidentally took too much...and it was bad shit...but it made the pain go away. I just didn't call for help."

Joey slumped into the chair he previously occupied. "How? How did you get him to forgive you? I don't understand..."

Mickey rubbed his sore eyes again until they were red. "I don't understand either. I'm so scared that one day he’ll leave me and treat me like I treated him..."

Iggy was piecing it together in his mind. 

"So when you starting seeing him...five years ago...that was the first time you'd seen him since he was 18?" 

Mickey nodded. "Yes."

Joey lit up a cigarette and inhaled deeply. "What the fuck did you even say to him?"

Mickey was about to respond but his cell phone blaring at top volume cut him off. That ringtone at that volume meant only one thing. 

Mickey scrabbled around until he found the phone under the coffee table and grinned when he saw the display showing a photo of his gorgeous ginger asshole smiling back at him. He quickly connected the call with a fumbling thumb. 

“Hey Red.” He greeted smoothly, completely belying his previous panic. 

There was a long pause before the line crackled to life. 

“Mick! So good to hear your voice! Did you get my email?” 

Mickey sighed to himself. He’d read the email telling him Ian would be delayed for a week and been so pissed off he’d called his brothers to rally around for a drinking session and hadn’t replied to Ian. 

“Yeah. I got it.” 

“I’m sorry Mick. I tried to kick up a stink about it but I’m the only trained medic on the base. I can’t leave until my replacement gets here next Friday...”

Mickey smiled at Ian’s apologetic tone. “Hey. It’s okay. You gotta do what you gotta do. I’m sorry I didn’t reply last night. I was going out with the guys.”

Another long pause. Ian’s chuckling laugh finally reached him. 

“So you’re all hungover to fuck?”

“Something like that.” Mickey laughed too. 

“God I fucking miss you.” Ian sighed loudly. 

Mickey swallowed painfully around the lump in his throat. “8 more sleeps.”

Ian giggled again. “Yeah. 8 more sleeps. You doing okay Mick?”

“I’m doing good, Red. What’s it like over there?”

“Hot as balls. But fine. I’m on patrol for the next few days so you won’t hear from me.”

“Okay. I’m hanging out with Joey, Ig and Colin today I think.”

“Cool.” Ian replied. “Tell then I said hey. And they should really make the most of seeing you. When I get back you’re gonna be locked in our bedroom for a long ass time.”

Mickey laughed happily. “Can’t wait.”

“Me either. I’m ready to be home.” Ian’s voice was tinged with sadness. 

“Uh...Ian?”

“Yeah Mick?”

“I told the guys. About us. How we met...”

Joey’s eyes met Mickey’s and he smiled encouragingly. Mickey smiled back weakly. 

Another fucking pause. Jesus. These phone calls were not ideal for someone dealing with a fuck load of anxiety. 

“The real version?” Ian sounded surprised. 

“Yeah. Feel like I’m at a fuckin confessional.”

Ian exhaled a laugh. “Oh. And how did they take it?”

Mickey scoffed. “I’m up to the part where we met up again. The jury’s out on whether they think you’re crazy for ever speaking to me again.”

Ian hummed softly. “People do crazy things when they’re in love.”

“Ain’t that the truth.” Mickey barked a laugh. 

“I gotta go, Mick. Finish the story. They need to know you’re not the same guy you were back then.” Ian urged. 

Mickey licked his dry lips. “Okay. Be safe, Red.”

“Always. I’m coming back to you soon babe. I love you.” Ian murmured down the line. 

Mickey lowered his eyes to the floor and tried to picture Ian. “I love you too.”

In his mind he could see the huge smile lighting up Ian’s face when he heard the words. Mickey wasn’t the most loquacious when it came to talking about feelings but something about the person you love dodging Taliban bullets for a living meant Mickey got better at it very quickly. The line clicked and Mickey was left listening to the disconnect tone. He tossed the device onto the table and met the eyes of his older brothers. 

“Ian says hey.” He stated. 

Joey stood up. “I’m gonna take a leak, make some bacon and eggs and then we’re gonna hear the rest of this sorry tale. Okay?”

Mickey scowled but nodded. “Fine. Just remember to wash your hands...”


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A trip back in time to where it all began again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My timeline is probably as shaky as John Wells’ so don’t look too closely!

** _Around Five Years Earlier_ **

“Come on, Mick. Just give it a try. Ten minutes, that’s all!”

Mickey followed behind his sister, Mandy, as she led him into the gym. 

“Your ten minutes is very different to my ten minutes.” He huffed. “Go. I’ll wait out here for you.”

Mandy scowled at him but didn’t argue. It was a major achievement to get Mickey Milkovich over the threshold of a gym. Actually expecting Mickey’s participation in a spin class was pushing it too far. Instead, he waited impatiently like the terrible chauffeur that he was in the lobby of the building for his sister to finish her workout. 

“Holy shit, I just saw the face of God. And the ass of God. And the abs of God.” Mandy rambled when she emerged almost an hour later. 

Mickey tossed down the magazine he’d been reading listlessly and glanced around. “Oh yeah? You found God huh. In Anytime Fitness. We should alert the media.”

Mandy swiped at his head but he ducked away. “You need to get your head outta your ass and find a man before your dick shrivels up to the size of your brain.”

“Please don’t ever comment on the size of my dick again.” Mickey shuddered. 

The internal door swung open and Mandy inhaled sharply, digging Mickey in the ribs. 

“That’s him.” She hissed and he followed her gaze to the guy stepping out. 

Mickey froze on the spot and his mouth fell open. He’d know that face anywhere. He’d seen it in his dreams for the last six years. The hair was different; the red coloring exactly as it was but now styled in a short buzz cut. Mickey realized himself a second too late and cringed when emerald green eyes looked his way. Ian’s expression didn’t change but Mickey knew he’d been recognized. Ian glanced between the siblings and Mickey held his breath, waiting for Ian to say something and expose the terrible thing Mickey had done all those years ago. 

“Hey! Great class, right?” Mandy grinned flirtatiously. 

Ian cracked a smile. “Yeah. Hard work.”

Mandy slid a little closer. “You wanna get a drink sometime?”

Ian tilted his head. “With you?”

Mandy nodded slowly. “Uh...yeah.”

“Like a date?”

Mickey looked to the ceiling and the floor just to avoid watching his sister hit on a gay guy he’d screwed, in more ways than one. 

“Sure!” Mandy was confidence personified. 

Ian grinned warmly. “I’m sorry. You’re not my type.”

Mandy’s confidence stuttered for a moment but then she grinned back at him. “Oh? And what is your type?”

Mickey continued to hold his breath until he was sure his face was turning blue. From the corner of his eye he saw Ian’s gaze flick over to him before settling back on Mandy, who had clocked the whole thing. 

“Oh!” Mandy giggled. “A little less vagina would work better for you?”

“And a whole lot more dick.” Ian agreed with a matching giggle. 

“Shame. You’re hot _and_ funny. I bet you’re great in bed too, just to round off the unholy trinity.” Mandy teased. 

Mickey’s head was actually about to explode. Ian’s cool stare raked over him one more time before he gave Mandy a shy smile. “I don’t think so. Some guys go to great lengths to avoid me after sex.”

Mickey coughed loudly and got Mandy’s attention back from the redhead. 

“Any chance I can get to work sometime today?”

She rolled her eyes at him. “Alright! Jesus. I told you I’d get a bus. You offered to wait for me!”

Ian wiped his sweaty brow with the towel he was holding by his side. “I gotta head out too. It was good to meet you...”

“Mandy.” She replied instantly. 

“Mandy.” Ian repeated with a smile. “I’m Ian. Maybe I’ll see you at the next class. I’m here most days.”

“Sure.” Mandy smiled brightly. “I’ll be back as soon as I stop walking like John Wayne.”

Ian chuckled wickedly. “Looking forward to it. And maybe we can get a non-date drink.”

“Sounds great. Bye Ian.” She waved him off as he headed out onto the street without even glancing back at Mickey. 

“See what I mean? He’s a god!” Mandy sighed dreamily. 

“God’s kinda sweaty.” Mickey remarked casually and left Mandy standing in the lobby as he headed out. 

Mickey told himself that it was best to leave things well alone at least one hundred times before he logged onto the gym’s website to find out the spin class timetable. Ian was obviously doing well for himself. He was fit and healthy. What good could Mickey do by kicking the hornet’s nest? But his brain didn’t seem to be engaged and here he was looking up the next time he might see Ian. Once he’d calculated when Mandy was at work and therefore not at the class, Mickey headed down to the gym and parked up outside fifteen minutes before the start time. With the timing of a Hollywood movie, Ian appeared at the end of the street as he jogged toward the gym. Mickey huffed in disbelief at the long toned legs and muscular arms on display. Who the fuck jogged to a spin class? Ian had zero body fat and looked fucking incredible. Mickey had to quickly move from the car before he sprung a boner. He watched for the moment Ian spotted him too and cringed internally again when the redhead’s handsome face darkened as he slowed to a walk. 

“Hey Gallagher.” Mickey greeted softly. 

Ian looked trapped, his eyes flashing as he weighed up all the ways he could respond to the casual hello from the man who had been such a huge part of his life. Finally he seemed to settle on his approach and smiled sadly at Mickey. 

“Hey Mick.” He murmured. 

Mickey scratched anxiously at the back of his neck as he tried to think of what to say. All week he’d spent working out how to find Ian again but he hadn’t really figured out what he’d say. What do you say to the guy you think you might’ve been in love with six years ago?

“How’s your day going?”

Ian tipped his head back and laughed. “How’s my fucking day going? That’s all you got?”

Mickey blushed crimson. “Yeah. Kinda lost for words.”

“You come here just to see me or you picking Mandy up?”

“I’m here for you.” Mickey stated and Ian’s brows rose on his forehead. 

“Well I gotta get to the class.” 

Mickey nodded. “If I’m still here when you get out, will you talk to me?”

Ian stepped closer to Mickey and the brunet’s heart rate quickened. “That depends on what you wanna say.”

Mickey took a breath to steady himself. Somehow over the years his memory of the sheer magnetic pull Ian had over him had faded. Now it was back in full force. 

“I want to apologize.”

Ian shook his head. “Then no. I don’t want your apologies. They’re six years too late.”

“I know that. But better late than never, right?” Mickey tried to smile. 

Ian sighed. “Maybe. But a sorry won’t make any difference to us now. It’s not like you ruined my life. It knocked me down but I got up and carried on.”

Mickey squeezed his eyes shut. He was clinging on by his fingertips and didn’t want Ian to walk away. “Please. I know you don’t owe me anything. But give me a chance to explain. For me. For my own sanity.”

Ian scoffed. “Still a selfish motherfucker. Fine. One drink after class. I’ll meet you at Rafferty’s in an hour.” He pointed across the street to a hole in the wall Irish bar. 

Before Mickey could speak again Ian was gone, breezing into the gym like he owned the place. 

Raffery’s hadn’t long been open when Mickey went inside and ordered a coffee at the bar. He sat in a booth stirring the foam with a wooden stick, thinking about Ian. How fucking good he looked. How fucking amazing he’d been back when he was a 17 year old Army-bound energy source. Mickey was a brooder. Always had been. He’d think on things until it was too late to do anything about them. Until Ian. Something about that gangly chatterbox who didn’t know the meaning of the word silence turned Mickey into this jumbled mess of hormones. He’d talked to Mickey like nobody else had ever done. He’d seen into Mickey’s soul; the part of Mickey that had to be kept locked down and silent for fear of his father finding out his darkest secrets. Terry Milkovich was born an asshole and he’d die an asshole. A racist, sexist, homophobic asshole who used fists and guns when words would work just fine. Terry fucked up all of his kids. After their mom died the Milkovich boys and Mandy had little choice but to follow Terry’s orders. They all ended up with criminal records and a catalogue of drug addictions before they finished high school. It was Mickey’s natural aptitude for math that threw Ian into his path. Iggy was right about one thing - his years of drug running meant he could do math in his sleep. The community college needed cheap tutors to fill in for the full timers who’d lost their jobs when the economy was shot to shit. That’s where Mickey came in and, to the surprise of everyone, made a decent go at being a math tutor. 

“You need another?”

Mickey looked up and saw Ian standing over him, pointing to his coffee cup. It had gone cold since all Mickey had done was play with it. Ian was a sweaty mess with flushed cheeks but he’d never been more attractive. 

“Uh...sure.”

Ian dropped his hoodie, keys and phone onto the table beside Mickey and went to the bar to order more drinks. When he returned he sat opposite Mickey and tipped two sugars into a cup before pushing it toward Mickey. The older man raised a brow and Ian smiled. 

“Still got a sweet tooth right?”

Mickey relaxed slightly and nodded. “Yeah.”

Ian sipped his own drink and leaned back in his seat. “So...what’s going on Mick?”

Mickey toyed with the wooden stirrer. “You know I sat here for an hour thinking about what to say to you...”

“And what do you come up with?” 

Mickey smiled sardonically. “Nothing that could stop you hating me.”

Ian squinted at the man across from him. “That’s what you think? That I hate you?”

“You don’t?”

Ian chuckled darkly. “I did. Back then I hated you more than anybody I ever met. Including Frank. I hated you for being so weak. I hated myself for getting the situation so wrong in my head. But I had to move on. It became my mission to prove that I was worthy and talented enough to be successful. In a way, you inspired me."

“I hate myself for what I did.” Mickey admitted honestly. 

“I don’t want that, Mick. I left it behind a long time ago. You should do the same.” Ian replied and Mickey could see from the look on his face that Ian wasn’t just brushing him off. He genuinely meant what he was saying. 

"I wish you'd told me at the time I was your first..."

Ian laughed lightly. "What? And have you freak out? No chance. I wanted to have sex with you. I didn't need you trying to change my mind."

Mickey frowned. "But in the back of a car? Is that how you pictured it?"

"No. I didn't really have a venue in mind. All I wanted was it to be someone I trusted. Maybe even loved a little. That's why I don't regret it, because I felt like that about you." Ian answered honestly. 

It hit Mickey like a punch to the gut. 

"Jesus Ian. Saying sorry...it's not enough." He choked out. 

Ian narrowed his eyes. “So don’t waste your time saying it. Did you come here for my forgiveness?”

Mickey tapped his cigarette box nervously. He’d give anything to light one up right now but this was a legit bar that enforced their no smoking policy. They wouldn’t tolerate a hood rat like Mickey breaking their rules. 

“I need something to ease the guilt I feel. So yeah. I guess I am.” 

Ian shrugged. “Then you’ve got it. Does it make you feel better?”

Mickey considered Ian’s words before shaking his head. “Not really.”

“Exactly. It’s not my forgiveness you need. It’s your own.” Ian replied with a soft smile. 

“How can you be so...”

“Magnanimous, I believe is the word.” 

Mickey couldn’t help his smirk. “Bless you.”

Ian chuckled, drinking more of his coffee and urging Mickey to do the same. “Like I said, you didn’t ruin my life. And deep down I know that was never your intention. I got into West Point but I started three months later. It helped that I had the highest ROTC scores they’d seen in decades and I was only a few credits short. I did my four years and I was commissioned a couple years ago. Second Lieutenant.”

Mickey grinned broadly. “That’s awesome.”

“Yeah. Guess I’m pretty proud of myself.”

“You should be. I’m proud of you.”

Ian’s smile froze but he didn’t let it slip. “Thanks. Anyway, you have a lot of time for self-reflection when you’re on exercise in the ass-end of nowhere. I thought about you a lot.” 

Mickey’s heart skipped a beat and he hid his nerves by drinking some coffee. He hoped the pause would make Ian continue. It worked. 

“I guess at the time I didn’t understand what it would mean for you if anyone found out about us. I mean, I know you told me that you were on the down low. But I never really got what that meant in the real world. I’d never been forced to hide myself like that. It wasn’t until I got to New York and I had some distance and time to think that I really put it together. You were scared.”

Mickey snorted. “Scared? I was fucking terrified. My dad would’ve put a bullet in my head if he knew. Nobody knew. You were the only person who did.”

“Well...me and the other guys you fucked.” Ian smirked. 

“I was careful. Never in my zip code. Never gave my name.” Mickey said. “Until you.”

“I never would’ve told anyone, you know.”

“I wish I’d had the balls to believe that at the time.” Mickey replied. 

“I know what I was like when I was 17. My mouth worked faster than my brain most of the time. But I really fucking liked you, Mick. I wouldn’t have done anything to get you hurt.” Ian added gently. 

“I really fucking liked you too, Gallagher.” Mickey exhaled slowly. 

After a pause Ian tapped his fingers on the table, clicking his cell phone to check the time. He obviously decided he had time to spare since he made no effort to leave. 

“So what about you? What did you end up doing?” He asked Mickey. 

The brunet shrugged. “I’m a bookkeeper.”

Ian squinted. “Seriously?”

“Yeah. Started off when this guy I know needed to file his taxes before his ass got thrown in jail. I helped him out. He told all his buddies about me and then they all got me working their books. It’s all legit. No skimming or anything. Word got around that I could do the job for a fee and it just got bigger from there. I can work at home. Pick my own hours.”

“Wow. That’s kinda cool.” Ian smiled. 

Mickey blushed again. “Yeah well...it pays the bills.”

“You still not out?” Ian asked hesitantly. 

Mickey smiled shyly. “I’m out. My dad got put away for life. After that, I didn’t have to look over my shoulder. Told my sister first. She told me she knew all along but that’s bullshit. I told my brothers a while after that. They were a bit freaked at first but they’re cool now.”

Ian’s smile was brighter than the sun. “I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks.” Mickey’s gaze locked on Ian’s until they were just staring at each other silently. 

Ian’s phone beeped and vibrated on the table and Mickey glanced down, seeing the name Logan appear in the message box. Ian picked it up and scanned the text. 

“I gotta go.” He sighed. 

Mickey was relieved to hear a little reluctance in his voice. “Boyfriend?”

Ian shifted in his seat. “Uh...yeah. For now. I guess.”

“You guess?” Mickey covered the clenching in his chest with a smirk. 

“Yeah. It’s just...yeah.” Ian decided not to elaborate and picked up his stuff. “It was good to see you, Mick. You look good.”

“You too, Gallagher.” 

“Remember what I said. Time to let the past go.” Ian added. 

Mickey nodded once. “I’ll try.”

“One more thing...you tell Mandy or anyone else that you knew me from before?”

“No...”

“Good. Don’t. The less people who know the easier it will be to move on. Draw a line in the sand, okay? Today is the day we met.” Ian smiled encouragingly. 

Mickey smiled back. “And we gonna meet again?”

“Maybe.” Ian grinned. “I might need some help doing my taxes.”

Quick as a flash, Mickey reached into his inside pocket and handed over his business card. “Any time.”

Ian glanced at it and smiled at the basic contact information. “See you, Mick.”

Mickey watched him leave the bar and exhaled a sharp breath. Ian had forgiven him a long time ago, whether he thought he deserved it or not. He would be 30 on his next birthday and he’d carried the weight of his guilt for so long he didn’t know how much longer he could’ve gone on. Now, he had closure. Even the news that Ian had a boyfriend couldn’t take away from what he’d achieved in that one coffee date. He drained the cold dregs of his drink and stood up to leave. He felt lighter already. 


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mandy grows closer to Ian as he prepares to leave.

** _still around five years earlier..._ **

Ian glanced to his left when he heard the painful wheeze from the next bike along. Mandy was struggling like hell and he couldn’t hide his smug grin. 

“Alright. Laugh it up. I may be hungover but at least I’m here.” She snapped at him. 

Something felt familiar about her biting retort and it took a second to remember it was Mickey that he used to get them from. The Milkovich genes were strong with those two. After his initial awkward encounter with Mandy, and then Mickey as a matter of fact, he’d grown to really like the female Milkovich. He honestly believed that if they’d met back in school they’d be firm friends. She was bold and brash and thoroughly South Side. 

“You’re gonna puke.” He warned her. 

She scoffed. “No I’m not. Milkoviches don’t part with their liquor. No matter how many hours pass.”

Ian held up his hands as he continued to push hard on the pedals. “If you say so. But you look like you’re gonna puke. In like five minutes.”

Mandy resolutely ignored him for a full 4.5 minutes before she leapt from the bike, out of the room and into the locker rooms. Ian chuckled to himself and finished the last ten minutes of the class. 

Ian waited outside the female locker room for Mandy to emerge half an hour later, grinning broadly when she scowled at him. 

“Feeling better?”

She punched his shoulder. “How the fuck did you know I was gonna puke?”

“Seen in plenty of times...soldiers pushing themselves over the edge. You get to know the look.”

“I certainly drank like a soldier last night.”

Ian nodded. “You did well coming today at all.”

“Couldn’t miss my daily dose of Sunny D.” She grinned and tugged on his red hair. It had grown out from the military buzz cut he had to keep when he was on the clock. 

“Come on. Let’s go get you a juice boost.”

The juice bar was a new start up that fit right in with the gentrification of the area. Ian remembered it from when he was a kid being a gay sauna. He’d walked past a million times as he tried to catch a glimpse of what it was all about. He ordered three juices and Mandy raised her dark brows. 

“Thirsty?” She asked when Ian dropped into the booth beside her. 

“One is for Logan. He’s on his way to meet me.” Ian smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. 

“Ooh. The boyfriend. I get to meet him?”

Ian shrugged. “If you want. He’s not going to be my boyfriend for much longer so catch a peek while you can, I guess.”

Mandy looked horrified. “You’re breaking up with him?”

Ian smiled sadly. “Nah. He’s gonna break up with me.”

“What the fuck for?” Mandy was outraged. “Who would dump you? Is he blind? Stupid? Both?”

Ian laughed happily and patted her on the hand. “I appreciate your pitbull impression but there’s no need. Logan doesn’t even know it himself yet.”

Mandy rubbed her forehead. “I think I’m still drunk. None of this makes any sense.”

Ian grinned and sipped some juice. “I’m being deployed in a couple of weeks. Back to Afghanistan for six months. I’ve been dating Logan for a couple of months. He’s never had to deal with a deployment before.”

“The fuck does that mean? You’re the one in the firing line. What does he have to deal with?” Mandy huffed. 

“Being alone. Not having a boyfriend at all really...I go off the grid for a lot of it. We don’t get to make phone calls very often. We rely on emails. And, in my experience, it never lasts long on that basis.” Ian explained. 

“It’s happened to you before?”

Ian nodded. “I’ve been dumped 3 times while I’ve been in the army. Once when I was a cadet and my last two deployments.”

“That’s a fucking disgrace!” Mandy declared angrily. 

Ian shrugged and stirred his juice. “It’s not easy being in a relationship with the military.”

Mandy sniffed her untouched juice and gagged. “You wanna see me puke in full technicolor here?”

“It’s banana, apple and ginger.” Ian told her with a wink. “Apple for the vitamin C, ginger for the nausea and banana for potassium. Trust me. I’m training to be a medic.”

Mandy took a sip and nodded approvingly. “Okay. I’ll give you this one.”

Ian took a pretend bow. “Thank you.”

“You know, you should date my brother. He could easily handle being left alone for six months at a time. He’s been practicing for 29 years.” Mandy said casually. 

Ian schooled his features to remain stoic. “Which brother? You’ve got, like, twenty.”

“Four.” Mandy mock-glared at him. “And I was referring to the one that likes dick. Mickey.”

Ian raised his eyebrows curiously. “I see.”

“Oh yeah. Mickey’s gay. Guess I didn’t mention that.”

“Why would you?” Ian shrugged. “But in case you forgot, I already have a boyfriend. And here he is now. So don’t let him hear you putting your siblings forward as his replacement.”

Mandy looked up at the approaching figure, expecting to see a stunning hunk of a man, someone that would look good with Ian - sexy power couple. 

Logan was _not_ one half of a power couple material. He was a six. At best. Mandy barely hid her disappointment as she took him in. He was short, even shorter than Mickey who told everyone he was 5’9 when the whole world could see a 5’7 when they saw one. He wasn’t built like Mickey. While Mickey was short he was still solid, with lean muscles. This guy was as scrawny as they come. And not in a cute, twinkie way. His hair was mousy and flat. Mandy just couldn’t picture him with Ian, who was by far the hottest guy she’d seen in a long time. 

“Hey.” He greeted Ian with a wave and sat down opposite him.

“Logan, this is my gym buddy Mandy. Mandy, Logan.”

Logan smiled coolly and Mandy returned it with a saccharine grin. 

“She’s hungover, so she’s not her usual sunny self.” Ian added teasingly. 

“Fuck you. I am sunshine personified.” Mandy flipped him off and noticed how Logan cringed at her choice of language. 

So Ian had picked a goody-two-shoes of all the guys in Chicago to date. Awesome. That made her pretty damn sure that setting him up with Mickey was a no go situation. If Ian liked clean cut then Mickey wasn’t the guy for him. 

“What are you up to for the rest of the day, Mands?” Ian flicked her earlobe affectionately. 

“Sleeping. Eating. Annoying Mickey.”

“Sounds like fun.” Ian grinned. “What’s he done to deserve that?”

“Nothing in particular. He’s just an easy target.” She giggled. “What about you guys?”

Logan slurped his juice obnoxiously over Ian’s reply. 

“Catching a movie then I gotta renew my passport.”

Mandy wasn’t dumb. Even in her hungover state she knew Logan was already being a passive-aggressive bitch about Ian leaving. 

“Almost ready for your next big adventure huh. I bet you’re super excited!” She enthused and pinned her gaze on Logan’s face. 

Ian’s face lit up. “I can’t wait! Back with my unit again!”

Mandy couldn’t help but smile at his joy. “You really were born to be a soldier.”

“It’s the only thing I ever wanted.” He agreed easily. “Turns out I’m good at it too.”

“Hooorah.” Mandy saluted and Ian laughed heartily. She turned to Logan. 

“I’m really gonna miss this sucker.” 

Logan smiled tightly. “Me too.”

A little later, when Logan excused himself to use the restroom, Mandy turned to Ian with a serious expression. 

“Your ass is totally getting dumped.”

“I know.”

“He’s not gonna last a month.”

“I know.” Ian grinned. 

“Why are you fine with that?”

“He’s not the love of my life, Mands.”

She sat back in her seat. “Thank fuck. He gives a new meaning to...” 

She trailed off when Logan sank back into his seat and fixed him with a sunny smile. 

“We ready to head out?” Logan asked Ian. 

Ian nodded. “Sure. You need a ride home?”

Mandy shook her head. “The walk will clear my head.”

“And give you longer to think up ways to annoy Mickey.” Ian added. 

“It’s like we have the same brain.” She flashed him a grin and leaned over to peck the corner of his mouth. “Don’t forget. Going away party at my place.”

Ian winced awkwardly. Mandy had offered, or rather demanded, that Ian should have a wild Milkovich party to see him off before he headed to Kandahar for the next six months. He was hesitant. Firstly, he knew from memory that Milkovich parties were the stuff of legend. Usually for how close someone gets to dying. Secondly, Mandy was temporarily sharing an apartment with Mickey. So the likelihood was her older brother would be there. And we all know what happened the last time Ian and Mickey were at a wild party together...

“You’re going. That’s final.” Mandy cut off his half-assed protests. “And bring Logan.”

“Fine. But the Taliban will be really fucking pissed at you if you kill me before they get a shot at me.” Ian joked and Mandy roared with laughter. It wasn’t often someone came along with the same twisted sense of humor that had often gotten you into trouble. Logan, however, was twitching so hard in his seat that Mandy nearly yelled seizure. She quickly figured out it was a mix of Ian’s profane language and his death joke that was making him flap. 

She leaned over the table. “He’s joking.”

“I know.” Logan sighed witheringly. “I just don’t wanna think about that stuff.”

“Well tough shit Princess. That’s his life. Dodging bullets is his life.” She spelled out for him. “Which kinda makes it your life.”

Ian placed his hand on Mandy’s knee under the table. “It’s fine. Come on.”

With an argument averted the friends said goodbye and Mandy headed home to make a voodoo of the guy Ian seemed to think was worthy of him. 

“Remind me again why we’re doing this?” Mickey snarked as he helped Mandy stick a banner to his living room wall. 

“Oh shut the fuck up you miserable asshole. Ian’s leaving for six months. I wanna give him a good send off.”

“You’ve known him for a minute.”

“And that’s long enough to know I really dig him. Lift it up on your side. It’s droopy.”

Mickey scowled but followed her instructions. His apartment had been taken over by his sister and turned into something that resembled a college rager. His overriding memory of the last college rager he attended was Ian dragging him into a closet and grinding on him for half an hour. 

“You know...I kinda think you guys would be perfect together.” Mandy mused almost to herself when she set out some chips and dips on the table. 

“Who?” Mickey balked. 

“You and Ian.” Mandy said, ripping open a bag of Doritos. “You guys have the same sense of humor. You won’t mind him being away a lot of the time...”

Mickey hid his blush with a snort. “Stop setting me up with random guys from your gym.”

“I’m not setting you up.” She argued. “Yet.”

The party was in full swing and Mandy looked every inch the proud hostess. Ian arrived with a sour-faced Logan and he was promptly introduced to all of Mandy’s friends and family. There was also some familiar faces from the gym but everyone, including Mandy, faded into the background when Ian spotted Mickey hanging around the back door. He looked ready to escape at any given time and Ian couldn’t keep the smile from his face. He left Logan silently fuming about being dragged along to a party where he didn’t know anyone and sidled up to Mickey in the kitchen. 

“Hey Mickey.” He smiled. “How’s your day going?”

Mickey raised his middle finger and glanced around to make sure nobody was listening. “I was nervous. Sue me.”

“Just wanted to say thanks for letting Mandy steamroller you into having this here. I told her it wasn’t necessary but...well she’s your sister. You know the drill.” 

“Yes I do.” Mickey drawled. “And it’s fine. Everyone should get fucked up before they do what you’re about to do.” 

Ian stepped a little closer “It’s what I signed up for.”

Mickey didn’t edge away like his brain was screaming at his body to do. “Even so...let loose. Relax.”

“In that case, I’d love a beer.” Ian winked. 

Mickey rolled his eyes and headed to the fridge. “You get drugs tested?”

“Randomly and regularly.” Ian curled his lip. 

“Damn.” Mickey grinned and pulled a joint out from behind his ear. “Guess I gotta take care of this on my own.”

Ian laughed musically. “You’re a fucking dick.”

The party was still in full swing in the early hours of the morning and everyone still in attendance was fucked up. Mandy had disappeared to her room with a guy from the gym who had clearly never skipped chest day. Logan bailed an hour after he got there when Iggy “accidentally” spilled a full beaker of homemade cocktails down his front. Ian arched his brow when Logan had demanded he leave with him and reminded him that the party was in his honor. Logan was furious and stormed out, leaving Ian to high five Iggy conspiratorially. 

“You need to dump his ass.” Iggy warned Ian. 

“Meh. Give it a week. He’ll do it for me.” Ian grinned and headed into the kitchen for more beer and hopefully a glance of Mickey. 

Ian spotted Mickey through the kitchen window immediately. He was in the back yard, smoking, and looking as fucking amazing as he always did. Being out obviously agreed with Mickey because he seemed ten feet taller. Ian slipped into the chilly night air and made Mickey jump. 

“Fuck Gallagher. You scared the shit outta me.” 

Ian pointed to his head. “Hey, you don’t see me coming with this beacon on my head then you deserve to get a shock.”

“Fair enough.” 

“Can I bum a smoke?”

Mickey handed the pack over and leaned in to light it when Ian placed one between his lips. 

“I think I’ve lost the ability to get drunk.” Ian sighed morosely. 

“Me too. Don’t worry about it, as long as drugs exist we’ll still have a way to get fucked up.”

“Hmm...few years before I can get back into my weed habit...”

“How long are you tied up, soldier boy?”

Ian shoved Mickey’s arm lightly. “Don’t call me that.”

“Sorry. Second Lieutenant.” Mickey spelled out. 

“8 years minimum. So 6 years left at least.”

“Wow. You’ll be 30 then.” Mickey mumbled. 

Ian grinned broadly. “Hey. You really are good at math.”

“Fuck you.” Mickey huffed a laugh. 

“Fuck me yourself.” Ian shot back calmly. 

Mickey nearly choked on his own saliva and the conversation stopped dead in its tracks. 

“It was a joke, Mick. I’m not coming onto you.” Ian teased. 

“I...uh...yeah. Course.”

“Besides, I have a boyfriend. And I’m not a cheat.”

“Sure.”

“Unless...you _wanted_ me to come onto you...”

Mickey wanted to bitch-slap the smug grin right off Ian’s face. “Don’t do me any favors, Red.”

Ian tossed his half-smoked cigarette onto the grass and grabbed Mickey’s wrist. He pushed him back into the bricks of the wall next to the back door. Ian inhaled Mickey’s scent deeply and growled low in his chest. It was like being thrown back in time and it made his dick harden instantly. 

“You want this?” Ian whispered and ran his nose up Mickey’s neck. 

“Yes.” Mickey choked out. 

“Same as last time? Quick fuck. No strings.”

“No.” Mickey whined, leaning into Ian’s lips desperately searching for more pressure on any part of his body. “Strings. I want strings.”

“Hmm.” Ian shuddered. “You don’t know if you mean that...”

“I do.”

“I’m not home until Fall.”

“I can wait.”

“Can you?” Ian challenged and Mickey shoved him away with a firm push to his chest. 

“Yes.” He glared at Ian. “I’ve waited six damn years already. Six months? No problem.”

Ian’s smile lit up the yard. “Alright.”

“Alright?”

“Trial run for this tour. We keep in touch, see if it works. If it’s what we both want then I’ll see you when I’m on leave.”

Mickey gazed at him. “And what about Loser, I mean Logan?”

Ian snorted a laugh. “I told you. He’s gonna take care of that.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure. And if he doesn’t, I will.”

Mickey pushed up on his toes and pressed his mouth to Ian’s. Ian responded and kissed him deeply, forcing his tongue into Mickey’s welcoming mouth. Finally they ran out of breath and had to pull away. 

“I gotta go.” Ian smiled sadly. 

“Sure.” Mickey agreed. 

“I’ve got your email address.” Ian mumbled. 

“Use it.” Mickey urged him, smiling and rubbing his knuckles over Ian’s sharp cheekbone. 

Ian pecked Mickey’s lips once again and moved away. “Bye Mick.”

“Stay safe, Red.”


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Six months is a long time with oceans between you.

**From: ian.gallagher@us.army.mil**

**To: milkbottle@gmail.com**

**Subject: u crack me up**

Milkbottle? Milk bottle? What the actual fuck?? How didn’t I notice this sooner??

Let me guess. Mandy set up your email? You actually use this for work? I’m dying laughing here. 

Kandahar is pretty cool. I’m working on the airport base. You know, when I first met you I’d never left Illinois let alone fly in a plane. Now it’s just another day for me. Crazy how life changes. 

Anything new with you? Hope you and Mandy are playing nice. She’s emailing me too so I’m getting regular updates on your grumpy ass. 

Are we telling her about us? Not sure if you wanted anyone to know...

Oh, by the way. Logan left me a message while I was flying into base. It’s over. 

“I can’t live with knowing I might never see you again.”

Anyone else pissing their pants laughing at the irony in that? Jesus. What a pussy. 

Promise me, Mick. You won’t ever make me feel like shit for doing this. 

Anyway. Gotta get out on patrol soon. It’s hot as balls here. Apparently only gonna get worse too. 

IG

**From: ** **milkbottle@gmail.com**

**To: ian.gallagher@us.army.mil**

**Subject: STFU**

Gallagher, the fact you already know it was Mandy means you didn’t need to bring it up. And yes, I use it for work. One email. One phone. One address. Do I look like the kinda guy that mixes it up?

Would love to say I’m sorry about Loser. But yeah. Not gonna do that. This mean you’re single again?

You can tell Mandy whatever you want. I’m done living by anyone else’s rules. 

Conditions okay over there? I’ve never been further than Indiana so you got me beat. 

I saw you back when you were drooling at the thought of fighting for your country so I know this is it for you. Your one true love. I get it and I don’t wanna change it. You do you, Gallagher. 

Stay safe. Don’t get your dick blown off. And wear sunscreen. 

MM. 

**From: ian.gallagher@us.army.mil**

**To: milkbottle@gmail.com**

**Subject: moving **

M, sorry for taking so long to reply. I’m moving out of Kandahar & heading to Helmand. Will try to call when I can. 

Ian

p.s. no I'm not single. I’m with you. 

**From: ** **milkbottle@gmail.com**

**To: ian.gallagher@us.army.mil**

**Subject: moving**

No worries. Mandy read her email first so I already knew (although I saw you sent mine first, so I know who your fave Milkovich is)

Feels weird that it’s almost been a month already. I’ve never stayed in touch with anyone for this amount of time when it wasn’t court ordered. I like hearing from you. I like knowing you’re alive. 

These emails monitored? Never sure what I can and can’t say. Got me on edge in case I cause you some hassle.

Mandy wants to get a pet. I reminded her that she’s only supposed to be crashing with me temporarily. That didn’t go down well. 

Heads up. I got drunk with Iggy last night, stuff was said and now he’s bribing Mandy for your email so he can tell you all about it. If you get anything from him...who am I kidding? It’s all true. Just keep in mind I was under the influence at the time. 

Stay safe Red. 

**From: ** **mandy1231milk@gmail.com**

**To: ian.gallagher@us.army.mil**

**Subject: my precious **

**Attached: rambo.jpeg**

HOW CUTE IS MY NEW KITTY!!!!

I named him Rambo in honor of the best soldier ever ;-) hahahahaha 

I miss you!!!!!

**From: ian.gallagher@us.army.mil**

**To: milkbottle@gmail.com**

**Subject: pushover**

You got a cat huh. I hope you’re this much of a pushover when I’m home and demanding a long list of sexual favors!

So the emails are monitored but only for national security stuff. They expect a certain level of smut and they don’t give a shit. Just don’t tell me you want to come on my face while you’re riding me on the President’s desk in the Oval Office and we’ll be good. Oh wait shit hahahahaha. 

Seriously tho, you can tell me in graphic detail all the ways you wanna fuck me. Just leave out anything you think Jack Bauer would be interested in hearing. 

For example...I can’t wait to find out if you still make that whiny groan when I hit your spot. 

I know you’re blushing. 

Miss your face, Mick. These emails are keeping me going. 

**From: ** **iggy420@gmail.com**

**To: ian.gallagher@us.army.mil**

**Subject: yo **

You and my baby bro huh? 

Don’t make me hurt you. 

p.s. he says the red hair and freckles really do it for him. 

**From: ** **milkbottle@gmail.com**

**To: ian.gallagher@us.army.mil**

**Subject: fuck...**

Jesus Gallagher. You really know your way around phone sex. That was hot!! Think I could listen to you recite the pledge of allegiance and get a boner. Nice to hear your voice. Thanks for calling. Rambo is on thin ice. He scratched my sofa to fuck. But the little asshole is cute so I’m taking it out on Mandy instead. Don’t get shot. MM.

**From: ian.gallagher@us.army.mil**

**To: milkbottle@gmail.com**

**Subject: climbing the walls**

So damn good to hear your voice again. Debbie found out I was using all my call time on you and threatened to fly out here and kick my ass for neglecting my family. I told her you’d understand when she met you. Counting down the days, Mick. 39 sleeps. That’s all. 39 sleeps and I’ll be back on US soil and hunting you down.

**From: ** **milkbottle@gmail.com**

**To: ian.gallagher@us.army.mil**

**Subject: 36 sleeps**

One time I was in juvie for 16 weeks. That felt like a fucking lifetime back then. Now, it feels like I could do that in my sleep. How is 6 months so long?? But me and my hand are coping. Mandy dragged me out to a club in Boystown last week and this guy was dancing in tiny gold shorts. He looked a lot like you. Pointed him out to Mands and she looked at me like I was crazy. The guy looked nothing like you. I’m just seeing your dumb face wherever I go now. Thanks for that.

Keep away from those landmines. 

**From: ** **iggy420@gmail.com**

**To: ian.gallagher@us.army.mil**

**Subject: fishing trip **

Yo. I’m planning a boys fishing trip at one of the big lakes next month. You want in?

**From: ian.gallagher@us.army.mil**

**To:** **iggy420@gmail.com**

**Subject: fishing trip **

Hell yes!! Sign me up!

You’re not gonna tie my hands together & dump me in the lake for daring to have a long distance pen-pal type relationship with your brother. Right?

**From: ian.gallagher@us.army.mil**

**To: milkbottle@gmail.com**

**Subject: 31 sleeps**

You any good at fishing? Never done it before. 

Mick? You ever wonder what would’ve happened back in the day if I didn’t leave Chicago? I was having weird dreams last night. Think the exhaustion is setting in. 

**From: ian.gallagher@us.army.mil**

**To: milkbottle@gmail.com**

**Subject: 31 sleeps**

Sorry. That was a shitty thing to send. 

**From: ** **milkbottle@gmail.com**

**To: ian.gallagher@us.army.mil**

**Subject: 30 sleeps**

Nah. I don’t think about that. I wasn’t the person you needed me to be back then. I would’ve found ways to hurt you even worse than I did. And that would’ve killed me. 

The time zones are messing up my head. I have more sleeps to wait than you. 

Keep an eye open for snipers. I miss you. 

**From: ian.gallagher@us.army.mil**

**To: milkbottle@gmail.com**

**Subject: 29 sleeps**

You think the time zones are bad now, wait until you get to deal with Grumpy Gallagher when the jet lag hits lol. 

I think I understand what you mean about not thinking in the past. I wouldn’t have been right for you either. Not then anyway. FYI I'm totally right for you now. No question. 

On patrol for 3 nights. Will call when I’m back. I miss you too. 

**From: ian.gallagher@us.army.mil**

**To: ** **mandy1231milk@gmail.com**

**Subject: Hey **

Hey Mands. Sorry I didn’t get back to you for a while. I had a sort of...incident. Basically I got trapped in a field with an IED for a while until they could extract me so yeah. Exciting times. You probably know this already if you’ve talked to Mick. Rambo is getting big. He’s gonna need a red bandana to finish the look. 

Is Mick ok? His emails seem kinda...dunno what the best word is. Subdued?

Miss you guys. 2 weeks to go!

**From: ** **mandy1231milk@gmail.com**

**To: ian.gallagher@us.army.mil**

**Subject: Hey**

Yo dumbass. Getting “trapped in a field with an IED” is so not a thing. You stumbled into a landmine didn’t you? Dumbass. DO NOT BLOW YOURSELF UP! You got that?

Mick is pining. He’s sad because he misses you (which is fuckin weird cuz you guys just met & haven’t even fucked yet so WTF is wrong with him?) and he’s scared you’re gonna get hurt (which I get). But mostly he’s just trying to keep you from noticing he’s pining for you in case you think he’s putting pressure on you or some shit. I told him you can miss someone and still support their career choices at the same time but who the fuck am I? 

I just ordered a red bandana for cats on Amazon. What has my life become?

**From: ian.gallagher@us.army.mil**

**To: milkbottle@gmail.com**

**Subject: 10 sleeps**

Less than 2 weeks. I’m compiling a list of what I wanna do in the 24 hours after I get home. They all involve you so clear your schedule. 

1\. Suck your dick

2\. Give you a rimjob

3\. Lick your nipples

4\. Sink my teeth into your ass cheeks 

5\. Fuck you in the shower

6\. Have you ride me in my bed

7\. Snuggle up to you while I sleep for a full day

I’ll call you tomorrow. Gonna dream about hearing your voice tonight. 

**From: ** **milkbottle@gmail.com**

**To: ian.gallagher@us.army.mil**

**Subject: 7 sleeps**

I’m kinda nervous. If long distance phone sex is that good, I’m gonna die when you finally put your hands on me. What a way to go. 

Bought us some fishing rods and a cooler box. I fucking hate camping. You’re gonna have to distract me with dick. 

One week to go. You can’t see me, but I’m smiling. 

**From: ** **milkbottle@gmail.com**

**To: ian.gallagher@us.army.mil**

**Subject: 2 sleeps**

You won’t get this now until you land. Just wanted to say...these last six months have been the longest of my entire life (including all my times in juvie) but I’ve loved having a chance to get to know you again. Properly, this time. I’m not good with my words and I know I’m probably gonna fuck things up with you at some point for not saying the right things but putting shit in writing seems to be easier for me. If I don’t tell you again, or enough, just know that you giving me this chance means the world to me. I promise I’ll back you up no matter what. You’re my person, Gallagher. You always have been. Even if I couldn’t tell you back then. I’m proud of you. And I think I might be in love with you. 

I’ll be waiting at the airport for you. 

**O’Hare International Airport**

**No more sleeps**

Ian was running on a mix of adrenaline and anticipation when he grabbed his rucksack and headed out to the arrivals area. It was a busy Saturday evening and he struggled to find the right face in the crowd. He’d landed at the Air Force base in Washington in the early hours of the morning, debriefed and then caught a commercial flight to Chicago. He’d been delayed by almost three hours so he had no idea if Mickey had stuck around for him or not. His phone was out of charge. That was his own fault. He’d spent the last day reading the same email over and over and over. Especially the last part. 

“_And I think I might be in love with you.”_

Suddenly the crowd parted and Mickey’s bright blue eyes lit up the concourse. Ian dropped his bag and covered the distance between them in three long strides. Then he was in Mickey’s arms. Holding him tightly and trying to kiss every inch of his face at the same time. Tears rolled freely but nobody could tell you who they belonged to. Finally, Ian let Mickey go but kept them pressed together. 

“Did you mean it Mick?”

Mickey blushed and lowered his gaze but nodded resolutely. “Yeah.”

“Fuck.” Ian exhaled shakily. “I love you too.”


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Milkovich brothers pull together to help Mickey realize his dream.

**Present Day**

You could hear a pin drop in Joey’s apartment when Mickey finished retelling the epic tale of how he won back the heart of Second Lieutenant Ian Gallagher in a six month long email campaign. Finally, Iggy broke the silence with a loud whistle in the quiet room. 

“You are the luckiest motherfucker known to man.” He stated. 

Mickey rolled his eyes but nodded. “I’m aware.”

“So, now we’re all up to speed...” Colin said but Mickey cut him off with a solemn head shake. 

“No?”

“Not all of you.” Mickey winced. “We never told Mandy.”

Iggy started to laugh quietly. Colin joined in a short while later. Joey pitched in with his own booming chuckle. Mickey glared between the three of them. 

“Oh fuck.” Iggy gasped for breath. 

Colin clutched his aching stomach. “You are going to die.”

Mickey set his jaw firmly. “No I ain’t. Cuz I’m not telling her. I’m gonna wait until Ian gets home and throw him under that particular bus.”

“Coward.” Joey teased. 

Mickey spread his arms in a wide gesture of “come at me” and then folded them across his chest. “You heard the first part of the story, right? Of _course_ I’m a coward.”

Colin chuckled. “Fine. Which brings us to the next item on the agenda. You and Captain Red getting hitched.”

Mickey’s lips involuntarily curved up into a tiny smile at the word Captain. Ian had been promoted earlier this year and it was his first tour in his new rank. He was leading a command unit of 75 men and Mickey had never been so proud of his man. 

“I don’t think he’s into it.” Mickey told them. 

“Why not?” Joey frowned. 

“Yeah,” Iggy added sarcastically. “Who wouldn’t wanna legally bind themselves to you Mick?”

“Hey. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on. I pay my taxes. I’m legit. Sure, I may not be the best looking guy in the world but Ian’s hot enough for the both of us.” Mickey grunted. 

Joey smirked and lit up another cigarette. “As long as you’re aware of your shortcomings.” 

Iggy grinned wickedly. “Speaking of shortcomings, how’s your sex life? You know that takes a nose dive when you’re married.”

Mickey kicked his brother in the shin until he yelped in pain. “Long periods of abstinence followed by something good enough to forget you ever went without for so long. That ain’t gonna change.”

“Absence makes the dick grow fonder.” Iggy shrugged his agreement. 

Mickey yawned loudly and picked at the last piece of bacon on his plate. “All besides the point though. He’s never mentioned anything about wanting to get married. And he’s a romantic fucker so the thought has definitely crossed his mind already.”

“You’ve never talked about it? Ever?” Colin probed. 

“Not really. When he got promoted he had to reassign his pension and death in service benefits in case anything happened to him. They automatically go to your next of kin or spouse unless you nominate someone. He named me on the paperwork but he checked to make sure we didn’t have to be married first. When they said no, he was pretty happy with that.”

“Wait. You get all his money if he dies on active service?” Joey gaped at Mickey. 

Mickey visibly shuddered in his seat. “We don’t say the D-word.”

“Dies?” Joey repeated and Mickey shuddered again. It was a Pavlovian reaction. 

“I used to make jokes in my emails when I was signing off. Don’t get shot. Don’t get blown up. Watch out for the landmines. That sorta thing. It stopped when Brady died. Now we don’t mention dying or death in any way.”

The group momentarily fell silent as they thought about the guy from Ian’s old unit that didn’t make it back safe last time around. It had shaken Ian badly and Mickey had to help him piece his thoughts about the military back together. 

“But he leaves it all to you?” Iggy reiterated. 

“Yeah. His family aren’t great with money, apart from Liam, and Liam isn’t quite an adult yet.”

“So he leaves it all to you?” Colin joked. 

“Fuck you. I’m an accountant. It’s literally my job.” Mickey flipped him off. 

That was another thing that changed over the last few years. With Ian’s gentle pushing and Mickey’s desperate need to find something to fill his time when Ian was deployed, Mickey had gone to night school to get his qualifications. Now he was a legit tax accountant with letters after his name. 

Joey waved his hand in the air. “Can we get back to the point? You know...you wanna marry the guy.”

Mickey blushed adorably. “I do. I really do.”

“Okay. Then it’s happening. Operation: Get Mickey Married is underway.” Joey said with finality. 

“Will you calm the fuck down?” Mandy snapped at Mickey when he ran his hand through his hair for the millionth time. 

“Nobody made you be here!” He snapped back at her. “In fact, I kinda like doing this part on my own!”

Mandy rolled her eyes. “Oh yeah. I bet you do. You’re lucky I’m here. One more time a security guard finds you fucking in the restrooms and you’re going to jail.”

“At least then I’ll be away from you!” He retorted. 

“What are you, five?” Mandy snorted derisively. “His flight just landed. Try not to rip his clothes off in the terminal, yeah?”

It took another forty minutes but there he was. With his rucksack casually slung over his shoulder and his rumpled fatigues taking the toll of his long distance flight, Ian appeared in front of them with a tired smile on his face. Mickey was there like a shot. He abandoned all sense of staying cool in front of Mandy and jumped at his boyfriend, who caught him and kissed him deeply. 

“Jesus fuckin Christ. It’s like the end scene in Love Actually.” Mandy muttered from behind them, temporarily forgotten in their lover’s reunion. She may have sounded grumpy but in reality she couldn’t take her eyes off the striking couple. Their height difference, their different hair coloring and their clash of Army fatigues versus casual jeans and sweater meant they were as opposite as two people could be. But something about them together just screamed perfection. They folded their bodies together, moving like a tapestry as they kissed and held each other tightly. This was definitely their emotional reunion and a precursor to their physical reunion. Mandy could see the imaginary clock above their heads ticking as they made out, only a matter of time before the pair become so lost in their embrace that they forgot where they were and looked for the nearest restroom to _really_ get caught up. She coughed loudly when Ian’s hand slid down Mickey’s back and cupped his ass. 

“Alright. Break it up. You’ve got a perfectly good bedroom at home.”

Ian beamed as he pulled away. “Hey Mands.”

“Douchebag.” She greeted formally. 

Ian giggled and dragged her into a hug. “I missed you.”

“Missed you too. Now come on. Mickey’s got plans for you and I’m not gonna delay them.”

Ian turned back to Mickey, who was blushing again. 

“Plans?” Ian smirked. “You never said in your email...”

Mickey sniffed. “Yeah well...we don’t all list sexual favors as a to-do list.”

Ian grabbed him up and kissed him again. “Maybe you should.”

“For fuck sake. Put him down and get in the damn car.” Mandy yelled. 

Ian always needed a day when he got home so Mickey didn’t plan anything right away. Instead, he waited until Ian had slept a lot, fucked him a lot and eaten decent food before he told him part of his plan. 

“Fishing?” Ian tilted his head. “At this time of year?”

Mickey nodded. “Sure. Iggy found this place up north with a log cabin right on the lake that sleeps up to 10 people. He hired it out for all of us.”

“That sounds kinda cool actually.” Ian grinned. 

“We’re meeting them up there tomorrow night so rest up. Colin already bought enough cases of beer to stock the Alibi so be ready.”

Ian pushed Mickey into the wall beside their bedroom door. “I need to exercise before I sleep.”

Mickey’s eyes fluttered closed when Ian’s mouth roamed all over his neck and jaw. Fuck, it was good to have him home. 

Mickey was almost vibrating with anxiety when he pulled up to the cabin. Ian was scrolling through Instagram on his phone in the passenger seat, happy to let Mickey lead the way while he idly passed the time learning about the microwave cakes in a cup that seemed to be the shit these days. 

“We’re here.” Mickey said softly. 

Ian looked up and smiled brightly. “Wow. It’s amazing.” 

Mickey had to admit, it was better than it looked online when he booked it. 

“The guys mustn’t be here yet. No cars.” Ian mused and climbed out of the car and stretched his arms above his head. 

Mickey licked his dry lips and busied himself getting their stuff out of the trunk. He silently and internally prayed that his brothers had come through for him and hadn’t done anything to fuck this up, either accidentally or as a way to mess with him. 

“Hey. Catch.” He called out and tossed the keys to the cabin at Ian, who caught them with a grin and skipped ahead to open up. Mickey held back for a moment to let Ian get inside and only followed when he heard Ian’s loud gasp of disbelief. 

“_Okay, Mick. You can do this_.” He whispered to himself and headed inside. 

Even though Mickey knew what he’d arranged for his brothers to set up, he was still blown away by the effort they’d gone to. The cabin was almost completely open plan with only a small room sectioned off that he assumed was the can. His siblings had taken care of everything and he knew they’d seen him right. Mandy would’ve insisted on it but it was nice to finally be in a place that he trusted his brothers. The space was lit up by hundreds of soft-glow fairy lights and a huge free-standing bath tub filled one corner of the room. A log fire was already roaring and an ice bucket filled with beers sat on the table. 

“Mick...”

“Hmm?”

“You’re either the most romantic motherfucker on the planet or this is gonna be a really weird weekend with your brothers.” Ian mumbled in a daze. 

Mickey barked a laugh. “I see any one of my brothers this weekend and I’ll make sure they have to drain the lake to find their bodies.”

Ian turned to Mickey and smiled dreamily. “You did this for me?”

“Nah. But the other guy couldn’t make it and I didn’t wanna lose my deposit.” Mickey smirked and ducked when Ian’s lightning fast reflexes almost got the better of him. 

“What’s this for? It must’ve cost a bomb.”

Mickey blushed and scratched at the name of his neck. “Wanted to do something nice for you. You’ve been in a desert for three months...”

“A ginger in a desert.” Ian mused aloud. “Nobody warned me.”

Mickey reached up and stroked his hand over the orange fuzz on Ian’s head. “You’re really beautiful.”

Ian immediately blushed. Objectively, he knew he was a good looking guy. Even after years in the Army and as he approached thirty at a rapid rate, it was still jaw-dropping to hear Mickey say those words to him. 

“I wanted to give you a couple days away from everything. Decompress, or whatever the fuck. Your first tour since you got promoted...you deserve it, Captain.” Mickey added. 

Ian rested his forehead against Mickey’s and breathed him in. “I don’t deserve you.”

Mickey smiled serenely. “You deserve everything.”

Ian pressed his lips to Mickey’s and pulled back before he got carried away. 

“So what’s the plan?”

Mickey bit his lip nervously. “Uh...I got food to cook...I downloaded some movies from Netflix...I thought we could hang out and chill.”

“And fuck?” Ian grinned cheekily. 

“Once or twice.” Mickey shrugged. 

“Mick?”

“Hmm?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Ian awoke the next morning to a toasty warm room and the smell of something sweet in the air. 

“Mick?”

“Hmm?” The answering hum came from somewhere across the room but Ian was too exhausted to open his eyes. 

“You still here?”

Soft padding footsteps approached and then a gentle kiss to the forehead settled Ian. 

“Always.” Mickey whispered. 

“Come back to bed.”

“I’m getting the tub ready.”

Ian stirred and tried to lift his head from the pillow. “You hate baths.”

Mickey huffed quietly but Ian felt his breath on his cheek. “Well you like them and this weekend is about you so I’ll deal.”

“I don’t want you to do stuff you hate just for me.” Ian pouted sleepily. 

Mickey flicked Ian’s nose. “Just get up and into the tub, dumbass.”

The bath was actually pretty amazing. It was huge, reminding Ian of the pool that was in the Gallagher yard when he grew up. He lay back so the water was up to his ears and cradled Mickey carefully between his legs, pulling him back to rest against his chest. 

“Thanks Mick. This is actually fuckin perfect.”

Mickey tried not to preen with delight and failed miserably. 

“So...you told the guys about us. How did that go?” Ian said gently. 

Mickey tensed. “Pretty much as I expected. They looked at me like they didn’t know me.”

Ian sighed and stroked his hand across Mickey’s chest. “They wouldn’t have expected it.”

“I disappointed them. They thought more of me.” 

Ian splashed some water at Mickey’s face. “Only because they are judging you by today’s standards. They didn’t know you properly back then. Out and proud accountant Mickey was not the guy that I met all those years ago. The guy in this tub isn’t the guy that I knew first. Stop rewriting history to suit this modern narrative.”

Mickey started to laugh and go louder and more relaxed. “You’re a fuckin trip Gallagher.”

“Yeah well. Don’t think it’s escaped me that Mandy still doesn’t know. I know which shitty jobs I got lined up.” Ian snarked good-naturedly. 

“She likes you better than me.” Mickey shrugged and leaned into Ian’s kiss. 

They relaxed in silence for a while until Ian spoke softly. 

“Why’d you tell them?”

Mickey pressed his lips to Ian’s left wrist where it rested over his shoulder. “I was stuck in my own head. Just going over on a loop what I did and never feeling like I deserved forgiveness.”

“What changed?” Ian asked. 

“Nothing really. And I think that’s what I needed. Someone to tell me that I’d fucked up, yeah, but I was still good enough to be with you.”

Ian scoffed. “I’ve already told you that.”

“Maybe I needed to hear it from someone who doesn’t look at me with heart eyes.”

Ian giggled and bit down on Mickey’s shoulder. “Maybe.”

“I fucking love you Gallagher. Always have, always will.”

“And the same goes for me, Mick. You’ve more than made up for everything. You’ve kept me going while I’ve been away.” Ian added. “I don’t know how many more tours I got left in me. There’s talk of deployments to Syria and the way things are going that’s not gonna end well. I’m not ready to quit yet but I’ve started to think about life after the Army...”

“Oh?” 

“Yeah. I don’t know what it’ll mean. I’ve thought about training new recruits. I think I’d like that. But who knows where I’d be based?”

Mickey smiled with a relief he didn’t know he’d feel when he heard Ian talk about securing his future. 

“Who gives a fuck? We go wherever you get posted and we figure it out when we get there.” He told Ian firmly. 

“We? You’d come with me?” Ian grinned into Mickey’s neck. 

“Damn right.”

Before Mickey could say anything else Ian had physically removed him from the tub and manhandled him onto the bed. 

“You’d give up your whole life for me?” Ian clarified. 

Mickey snorted. “What’s to give up? You are my life.”

Ian gave him a blinding smile. “You’re amazing.”

“Meh.” Mickey grinned and pulled Ian into a lingering kiss. 

The lake was beautiful at this time of year. Mickey felt a sense of peace surround him when he was out here. After they’d walked around the shoreline Ian set up their fishing equipment and they sat out for a couple of hours to enjoy the serene calm. Ian loved his job, truly he did, but after spending months living with a bunch of rowdy soldiers he craved moments of solitude. Well, not complete solitude. He needed Mickey with him. Mickey knew when he needed the quiet time. He could sit for hours next to Ian and not say a word, knowing he was providing all the comfort Ian needed. 

Mickey threw a stone into the water and watched it sink. “You ever think about us in the future, Gallagher?”

“What do you mean?” Ian murmured. 

“What it will be like for us, I guess.”

“Kinda hoped we’d be like this. Happy. Secure. Still fucking so much my dick nearly falls off. Why?”

Mickey smiled shyly. “I think about it too. And I think I want...I dunno...more, I guess.”

“More?” Ian’s eyes widened. “Like, be with other people?”

Mickey gasped and reeled to look at Ian in horror. “What?! No fuckin way! I want to marry you, dumbass!”

Immediately, Mickey wanted to crawl into the lake and never resurface. After setting up the cabin for the weekend and having his mind filled with romantic ways to propose...but no, he just blurts it out and calls him a dumbass. 

“Marry me?” Ian repeated slowly. 

Mickey’s hand immediately went to the back of his neck and he scratched anxiously. “I totally didn’t mean to blurt that out like that.”

“But you do? You want to marry me?”

“Yeah. I do.”

Ian’s sniffle made Mickey look up. “Are you crying?”

Ian sniffed again. “Guess so. Nobody ever proposed to me before...”

“Actually, _I_ haven’t proposed to you.” Mickey reminded him. “Yet.”

Ian grinned and it lit up his face. “Better get to it then. Before someone else gets in first.”

Mickey glared at his boyfriend. “Oh yeah? Like who?”

Ian didn’t reply. He just grabbed Mickey and pushed his lips onto the older man’s and tried to convey all the love he felt in that moment. 

“Gallagher?”

“Hmm?”

“Will you marry me?”

“Course I will.”


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mandy gets a history lesson and the boys seal their fate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my little tale! I bloody love this fandom.

It took a while but the dust finally settled after Mickey’s proposal. The Milkovich brothers were delighted their plan had worked and celebrated by taking Mickey out for a “quick drink” that robbed him of three days of his life. Ian took the opportunity to hang with Mandy and fill her in on some of the finer details she’d missed. 

“This could so get you laid...” Mandy murmured dreamily as strong fingers pressed firmly into the deep tissue of her neck. 

“If I wasn’t as gay as the day is long and set to marry your brother?” Ian chipped in from his spot beside her in the couples massage room. 

“Who said I was talking to you? That’s it Greg. That’s the spot.” 

The masseur chuckled heartily and carried on with his job, amused by the sparky banter the two clients had brought with them. 

“This is the best pre-bachelor party ever.” Ian exhaled slowly as his own body was was prodded, poked and pulled in all the right ways by a blonde woman no more than five feet tall but strong enough that you wouldn’t question if she told you she was an arm wrestler in her spare time. 

“Yeah. That’s not a thing.” Mandy drawled. 

“Shut up. If you keep pissing on my parade I’m gonna ask Lip to be my best man.” Ian huffed and Mandy giggled. 

“How pissed was he when you picked me?”

“Eh.” Ian sighed. “More than when I broke his Lego, less than when I stole his ID and got a misdemeanour charge on his record.”

“You did WHAT?” Mandy hissed. 

“I was, like, six years old, crazy about Lego and he left his space ship unattended.”

“Not that, dumbass. The ID thing.”

Ian giggled softly. “Long story. I was fucked up and Lip took the rap for me so I didn’t get a record.”

“Jesus. There’s so much I don’t know about you.” Mandy mumbled. 

“I know. Maybe this weekend we can find more out.” Ian said gently and closed his eyes to concentrate on the massage he was paying top dollar for. 

The hotel room was pretty fucking special and Mandy immediately bounced on the bed like a crazed child. Ian feared and hoped this was about to turn into a Risky Business kind of weekend. 

“What the fuck, Gallagher? You leave anything in the wedding fund?”

Ian rolled his eyes. “We don’t have a wedding fund. City Hall followed by the Alibi costs fuck all.”

“Hmm.” Mandy’s sigh was telling. “You good with that?”

“Mands.” Ian grinned. “I’m marrying my soulmate. We could say ‘I do’ in an abattoir for all I care. Besides, Mick isn’t one for a big deal.”

Mandy screwed up her face. “You have sick kinks.”

“You don’t know the half of it.” Ian wiggles his brows teasingly. 

“Enough!” She crowed. “Let’s get some drinks going.”

After a handful of wine coolers each the party was getting started. They turned the music channel up loud and strutted around the room doing their best Axl Rose impressions, they ordered a full rotisserie chicken from room service and ate it with their hands and they drank more colorful sugary shit than a dentist would ever sign off on. By midnight they were crashed out on the bed as the booze hit and the sugar crash arrived. 

“I ever tell you about the first guy I ever loved?” Ian started softly. 

Mandy rolled her head to the side. “Nope! Was he a dickhead?”

Ian grinned and shrugged. “Yes and no. He acted like it sometimes but he wasn’t really. Not deep down.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Mandy tried to focus on Ian’s face. 

“It’s important. It shaped me. Got me where I am today.” He replied honestly. 

She nodded. “Sounds like you traded one part time asshole for another...”

Mandy watched as Ian broke into loud and hysterical laughter. “You’re kinda right.”

She reached out and snagged his hand to anchor herself. “Tell me about this guy...”

“I met him when I was 17. He was a little older. We met when he tutored me in Math so I could boost my application to West Point. I spent months mooning after him, trying to work out if he was gay or if he’d kill me dead for even looking at him. He was so far in the closet I had more chance of fucking Aslan for a long time.”

“Sounds like a peach.” Mandy chipped in her sarcastic assessment. 

“But he was. He really was. We had a lot in common. We were tight. I fell in love with him.” Ian reiterated. 

“Did you ever tell him?”

Ian blushed and nodded. “I bumped into him at a party and dragged him into a closet. It was my 18th birthday and I was coasting on adrenaline that day. Amongst other things. Anyway, he seemed fine with it. We made out. Fooled around a little. It was the most perfect 37 minutes in heaven.”

Mandy grinned. “Ooh you little tiger! What then?”

Ian’s face turned pink. “He drove me home. Only we didn’t go home. We parked up and fooled around again...and we ended up fucking in the back of his car.”

Mandy whooped at the scandal of the tale. “No way!”

“Yeah. It was my first time too...” 

“No _fucking_ way!” Mandy shrieked. “I lost my V-card down the back of some guy’s car seat too!”

“Cheers to being classy Southsiders.” Ian raised his wine cooler. 

“Fo’ sure.” Mandy raised her bottle too. “Hey! Did your guy fuck girls in his closet?”

Ian chuckled. “Almost exclusively.”

“I wonder if it was the same guy!” She gasped at the idea that she might have fucked the same guy as her best friend. 

Mandy didn’t notice Ian’s whole body shuddering. “I really, really fucking hope not.”

She prodded his temple with her bottle. “It wouldn’t be that bad.”

“Yes it would. It really would.” Ian sighed softly. 

Mandy’s eyes narrowed. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. Really bad and really fucking illegal.”

“Just how fucking hammered am I? It couldn’t be illegal...”

“It would be if you lost your virginity to your brother.” Ian blurted out. 

It took a moment to absorb into Mandy’s booze-addled brain but when it did she almost snapped her neck to look at him. 

“No. Fucking. Way.”

Ian twitched anxiously. 

“You mean Mickey?”

“No, Iggy. Of course I mean Mickey!”

“You. And Mickey. Back then?”

“Yep. It didn’t work out. I left and joined the Army. Met up with him when you came to my gym.” Ian gave a summary like he was reading the weather. 

Mandy sat upright on the bed and Ian watched as the lights behind her eyes flashed back in time. 

“No.” She shook her head. 

“No?”

“No. You can’t be talking about Mickey. You met him for the first time when I did that psychotic spin class.”

Ian took a deep breath and wished he’d started this conversation when she had less wine coolers ruling her brain cells. 

“Mands. Listen to me. I’m trying to confess my biggest secret here. The one thing you don’t know about me. I didn’t meet Mickey for the first time at the gym. It was the first time in a long time, but I met him when I was seventeen. I fell in love with him back then and he kinda broke my heart.”

“He did?” Mandy looked crestfallen. 

“Big time. He was scared but he hurt me so I left. I thought about finding him so many times over the years but I thought he’d freak out. I thought he would have moved on with someone else. Probably a girl, actually. So when I saw him at the gym...it all came flooding back. I still loved him.”

Mandy eyes filled with tears. “I never knew.”

“Nobody did. I told him not to tell anyone. He was going mad with guilt and I didn’t want him to dwell on it. I was over it so he needed to be too.” Ian explained. 

Mandy took a shaky breath. “And now?”

Ian’s bright smile lit up the huge hotel room. “Now I’m right where I want to be. I love him like crazy, Mands. He’s my happily ever after.”

She exhaled a sigh of relief. “What did he do? Back then...”

“It’s not really important now. He freaked and pushed me away. I ended up delaying my sign up to West Point as a result. But it all worked out in the end.”

“Mick was a different animal back then.” Mandy murmured. “Just before he told me about being gay...he was fucked up.”

“Yeah?” Ian frowned sadly. 

“Drugs, drink, reckless law breaking. That sort of thing. It all came to a head when he overdosed.”

Tension crackled in the air. 

“He _what_?” Ian shallowly exhaled. 

Mandy frowned. “He didn’t tell you?”

“Must’ve slipped his mind.” 

Mandy suddenly felt nervous of Ian’s sarcastic glare. “He...uh...it was an accident. At least I think it was. He was pushing coke and snorting more than he was selling most days. Anyway, there was a bad batch...Joey found him and he ended up in hospital.”

“What the fuck?”

“I mean, obviously he’s fine! He did a detox thing and got cleaned up. Told us all about the gay thing. Far as I know he only touches weed now.”

“Jesus fucking Christ!” Ian yelled and scrambled for his phone. 

Mandy stilled him with her hand on his arm. “Ian. It was a long time ago. He was dealing with some demons. It’s over.”

“Why didn’t he tell me?” Ian demanded. 

Mandy snorted loudly. “Probably the same reason I’m only finding out about your teenage love affair now. Embarrassment.”

Ian let that sink in. Mickey got embarrassed if you overheard him singing in the shower. Accidentally overdosing on coke when at the height of an emotional crisis would make him implode with humiliation. 

“I’m gonna kill him.” Ian finally sighed. 

“Not if I kill him first.” Mandy added. 

The tension dissipated and left them rolling around on the bed in drunken laughter. 

Ian let himself back into his apartment with a banging headache right behind his eyes. Mickey was sprawled on the couch with his gaze fixed on the tv. Just seeing him made Ian feel that little bit better. 

“Hey babe.” Ian greeted, dropping into the chair beside Mickey. “You okay?”

Mickey grunted. “Dying.”

“You too? Your sister is an animal.”

Mickey just hummed and crawled into Ian’s lap. “Glad you’re home.”

“I’m glad you’re a homo too.”

“I swear you are the lamest of the lame.”

Ian stroked Mickey’s hair back from his forehead and gazed into his eyes. “You mean the world to me. You know that, right?”

“You good, Red?” A flash of concern hit Mickey’s face. 

“Yeah. I just...the past seems to have been pulled into the present and I’m just feeling a little...weird.”

“That’s on me. I’m sorry. I shoulda kept my drunken mouth shut.”

Ian smiled warmly. “It’s not a problem. It’s just a time that I don’t really look back on. It’s all done, you know? I guess I just need to know it’s like that for you too.”

Mickey smiled back at him. “It’s done. We’re good.”

“We’re the _best_.” Ian leaned down to peck a kiss to Mickey’s forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you too. And when I’ve stopped feeling seasick I’m gonna show you.”

The wedding itself was nothing spectacular. At least not by the standards displayed on all those cable tv shows where the bride says yes to a dress that costs more than their car and the groom gets to pick out seat covers like they were the most important feature of the day. Ian told Mandy he was content with a City Hall affair and he was being honest. Seeing Mickey in his best (and only) suit as he prepared to sign his life away made so much sense to Ian. This is where they were meant to be. Together. Stronger. 

“You owe me twenty bucks.” Colin leaned over the bench and whispered in Iggy’s ear. 

“Huh?” Iggy hissed. 

“Our bet.”

“The fuck?”

Several people turned to glare at the brothers as they waged their war of words in heated whispers. 

“You know...when Mickey told us about Ian...”

Iggy blushed deeply. “Shut up you prick.”

“What bet is he talking about Ig?” Mickey demanded ominously. 

“This is not the time.” Iggy replies through gritted teeth. 

Ian smirked from his spot beside Mickey in front of the judge. “I think it’s probably the best time.”

Iggy delved into his pocket, pulled out a handful of cash and thrust it into Colin’s hand. “There you go. Shut the fuck up.”

Nobody missed the judge’s raised eyebrows and startled stare. 

“What bet, Iggy?” Mickey repeated lowly. 

Iggy raised his eyes to the ceiling and took a loud breath. Colin beat him to the explanation. 

“He didn’t think you two would last. We bet a twenty on it.”

Mickey’s glare turned scorching as it burned into Iggy. There was a titter of laughter from the other side of the courtroom where the endless amounts of Gallaghers filled the benches. 

“I cannot overestimate how much I think you’re a dick.” Mickey savaged his brother. 

Ian grinned at Colin. “Thanks for your vote of confidence, Col.”

Colin slipped the money, which actually totalled $40, into his shirt pocket and caught Fiona’s eye across the aisle. He winked and grinned broadly. “Drink later?”

Fiona grinned back. “Maybe.”

The judge cleared his throat loudly. “Can we get on with the show? I have a 2 o’clock ...”

Ian nodded. “Go ahead. Thank you.”

The interruption meant they had to get through the legalities in record time and with a flurry of rambled words and signatures they were married. Just like that. 

Ian cupped Mickey’s face in his hands and dipped his head to kiss him. “Fuckin love you Mick.”

“Ditto, Gallagher.”

“Let’s get out of here. I wanna seal the deal before we hit the Alibi.” Ian wiggled his brows. 

Mickey pulled him into another deep kiss which lasted until the judge threatened them with a contempt of court charge. 

Debbie had decorated the Alibi with gold and black balloons in an apparent tribute to their different shades of hair color. Kevin served welcome drinks of Jack and OJ. 

“They’ve put a lot of effort into the theme.” Mickey stated dryly and Ian giggled into his neck. 

“Okay!” Mandy clapped her hands and then whistled loudly. “Speeches before everyone is too hammered to care about his ghetto romance!”

Ian rolled his eyes and Mickey tensed up. 

“I got this.” Ian murmured. 

Mickey didn’t seem any more convinced but let lan step closer and wind his arm around his back. 

“My husband and I would like to thank...”

The room erupted in applause at the word husband. “...everyone for coming along and being part of our wedding day. I’m sure a lot of you never expected this day to come. I just hope not all of you were stupid enough to bet against us.” He added with a pointed stare at Iggy, who blushed furiously at the crowd’s laughter. 

“Mick, I know this whole thing is killing you right now but I just wanna say...you’re it for me and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.” He finished and bent to peck his lips against Mickey’s. The room cheered once more and started to move off when Mickey cleared his throat. 

“Ay...okay...I ain’t good with words like Shakespeare here but I am grateful to you all for showing up today. I’m also grateful for everyone who has been around for the last few years putting up with me while G.I. Joe here has been off saving the world. Especially my brothers and Mandy, I know I get a little crazy when he’s away. I haven’t always been a good person. In fact, it’s a pretty new thing if I’m honest. So thanks to you, Shakespeare, for fixing me.”

Apparently that was Mickey done so Ian filled the tense silence by swooping in for another kiss. Wild applause rang out and then Kev declared the bar officially open, all while Ian had his tongue down his husband’s throat. 

Ian couldn’t hold it in any longer. He grabbed Mickey’s hand while the older man was dancing with Debbie and dragged him behind the bar and into the storage cellar. Kev caught the action and winked at Ian, turning his back to them when Ian pushed Mickey against the wall. 

“The fuck are you doing Gallagher?” Mickey grinned. 

“I need to tell you something.” Ian bounced on the spot. 

“I know your dick is huge. Not news.”

Ian flicked his husband on the nose. “I married a size queen.”

“Yes, Sir, you did.” Mickey grinned. 

“I’m being posted.” Ian blurted out and immediately Mickey’s face crumpled. 

“You waited until our wedding reception to tell me you’re leaving again?”

Ian grinned happily and bit his lip. “Yeah. Because I’m going to Onarga.”

Mickey schooled his features so it wasn’t immediately apparent that he knew the location of every military institution in the mid-west. ”Onarga?”

Ian’s green eyes sparkled. “It’s about an hour away, maybe two with traffic. A military school. I’m gonna be training recruits.”

Mickey allowed his expression to soften. “Seriously?”

Ian ran his fingertips down Mickey’s cheek tenderly. “I’m done with overseas tours. I’ve done my bit. Time to settle down.”

“And the Army is fine with that?”

Ian nuzzled his nose against Mickey’s. “Very much so. They don’t want to lose me completely so this was my commanding officer’s idea. I can take a room on campus for when I can’t get home but I should be able to commute most of the time. I get to be home, Mick. With you.”

Mickey pulled back and gazed at Ian intensely. “Is that what _you_ want?”

“More than anything.”

“You’re not doing it because you think I want you to do it?”

“No. But I thought you’d be more excited.” Ian started to frown. 

Mickey’s face lit up and he threw his arms around Ian. “I’m fucking ecstatic.”

Ian held him close. “It’s all about the future now babe.”

Mickey nodded against him. “Speaking of the future...”

“Hmm?” Ian hummed. 

Mickey took a deep breath. “How d’you feel about kids?”

Ian gulped so hard Mickey could feel it. “Like...”

Mickey giggled at his fluster. “Yeah, Gallagher. I think I want the whole she-bang with you, you know?”

“Fuck yes.” Ian exhaled harshly. “Come on. We need to go.”

“We’re in the middle of our party!”

Ian flashed a wicked grin. “Who gives a fuck? I wanna try to get you knocked up.”

Mickey groaned loudly as Ian dragged him by the hand out of the bar. “So fucking lame.”


End file.
